I have been thinking lately.

All the sufferings I have been through and the commotions that made my emotions tumble into a mass hysterical frenzy of sorrow had been me not able to let go of a lot of things.

And thus, the time has come for me to break free of my chains and rid myself of unwanted sadness.

I will strive harder to achieve my degree, get the picture of me graduating and place it on the shelves my grandma used to display all her grand kids' achievements. I will not let you down grandma, wherever you are ...

I removed several msn contacts from my list, retaining currently to immediate and close friends. I would be clearing some more once I get the time, when I had finished imbibing my mind of tranquillity.

I wish to start my life anew, I want to do what's best for me now.

Goodbye old life, it was nevertheless fun while it lasted, sort of.

It is just weird how I was fooled into sweet talks.

Perhaps I was waging on hopes that would eventually crumble upon hoping too much for. Or was it that I want to give in to the fact that it would all crumble in the end?

Whatever it is, I feel that the fact remains the same - absurd and disappointing.

Sometimes it just is not worth caring too much for something when it is just going to snap you back in return. What was once warm is now cold.

I am not sure why this issue is raised now while all these while when blueserver is being sponsored by MMO or SMM where nothing is given to the mods but eveyone can work perfectly well in making Blueserver the top dota server in Malaysia? I believe that happen because all of you guys love Blueserver, you wanna make blueserver a better server than the rest. You wanna be proud for being a mod of Blueserver.

Yup, we sure as hell am proud to be moderators to a sole-striving private pvpgn in Malaysia, until it has been made official. But the very least you guys could think about is that the current and existing members who are not just the leaders of either team to be dedicated and passionate in helping to raise Blueserver once again, do look at us with a little more respect, we are not your soldiers which you could simply order us to walk into the face of war.

Where has that spirit gone? why do we need to be narrow minded just because of couple hundred bucks is given to someone for doing some additional work ? Imagine the leader have to travel by bus or Lrt to come to AMICI office which is not really convenient for most of them. Imagine they have to always be reachable by UCpro and always commited to datelines etc Imagine the stress they will be facing when their member is not doing their job as requested.

Also, add to that:
Imagine how much stupid reports ST members have to check and the ordinary members of Blueserver (players) continuously scolding us (the banlist moderators) and banning their account(s) when they did mistakes or we not performing well (in the sense of presentation and feedback)? Hmm? Have you thought about this?
Let me see ... nope, I don't think you would understand that frankly.

So, you are rewarding us, ordinary ST and FT members to endure these kinda shit and still perform at out best? Touché to that.

They cannot blame you because you are not being paid, and they have to think of solution to solve the problem cuz they are commited to UCpro to take care of the team.

Again, emphasize on CURRENT members. We stay, cause we care. Drill it into your freakin' thick skull.

Guys, try to be fair, don’t you think they deserve a small amount of allowances?
Mr.Yap once said to me, "we are now planting a tree", where the tree is refered to UCpro/BSpro.
Why are we quarrelling over fruits while there’s none at the moment? Shouldn’t we be more focused on doing the best in helping it to grow?

Eat your fucking fruits, I don't fucking care about the fruits. I just want you to treat us more decently and with respect. Got it?

Not to mention a certain someone starting the snuggling crap which I seriously hate, again. Even with the slightest pinch of power she possess she gets overwhelmed by the greed of it. Absurd.

Screw Blueserver. I've had enough with the crap that keeps coming.

A leader that lacks courage.
A colleague that likes polishing shoes.
A stakeholder treating the employees like dirt.
A disasterous concoction for hell.

Bah! Digi is full of stupid SMSes currently.

I have been spammed with so many ridiculous free voucher, discounted shit and stuff for the passed week. It is seriously annoying and it is pissing me off.

I might switch line soon if DiGi starts being like a bugger and send me all of these nonsense once more. What to consider, hmm, Maxis is nice (Hotlink), or just go for X-pax, but I'm not supporting a company that has a joint venture with TMNut. So yeah, probably going to use Hotlink if DiGi sends me more shit again.

Adios, yellow man!

For why the sudden hype on so many FF addition to my personality thingy, here are the explanations for each respectively:


I had this Rukia personality match when I took it for the first time, when I was 20(2007) which was pretty much true, right until now (yes, I'd die for perfection)


I had this pretty much the same time I got Rukia, since I did it when I surfed www.saiyanisland.com. True till a certain point, 'I' can be funny, but it has its limits.


My first Final Fantasy personality match. Partially true, I was optimistic (probably still am, who knows?), not really bright (I'm like, 10 kW of pure electricity, go figure).


I got curious and re-did the Final Fantasy Personality Test again for the reason being the first question was asking which FF I had liked the most and whether it affects my outcome for the personality, which it did when I picked Final Fantasy 8, and got this (which is not at all true, I'm on the reverse polarity of being warm).


I did this before the FF8 choice as the first question and got Auron, pretty much true to the exact point (I like to be a lone wolf and fight for the cause of good, my own definition, anyway).


So there you have it folks, the reason as to why I took those additional personality quiz with both FF8 and FFX being the same answer, with the exception of which FF I liked playing the most (FF8 and FFX respectively).

I seem to be under a whole lot of writer's block this week, be it for work or novelty writings of all sorts. I need help, and no, not even this:



Or this:



Or this:



Can help me relinquish my thirst for coming out with zesty lines, copies or even headlines for anything. I really hate getting writer's block, I need ideas!

My pay check finally came and yes, the feel of your own hard earn cash is a feeling like no other.

As a promise I made to myself that I would belanja* my parents when I get my first pay check (regardless of the amount and job specs), I would definitely take them out for a dinner as a filial action as a kid.

So I did. Last Sunday, my parents went to have pizza in Pizza Hut. It was not much, but it was definitely better than the usual chinese restaurants we go to which we ordered different dishes and have them with rice. Of course, the price was higher than that, but it was special nonetheless.

I am just glad I did something for them and I wish for more to come. The feel of returning some kindness back to your parents is something indescribable, I hope they enjoyed that dinner which I did, although I did not show it.


* - Malay term for treat