Another one of my O2Jam Moments, yay~

Finally passed a song higher than lvl 25, here it is:



Now, to work on those lvl 30 and above songs ...

Sometimes I just don't understand why some people can be really stupid.

Maybe, just maybe I should have taken a more cautious step to keep my own private data safe from harm.

My dim witted sister erased all my saved cookies for webbies and the history of my webpages over at Firefox. I mean "WTF!!!", tons of websites URL, tons of remembered passwords, tons of saved websites that I frequent don't remember just goes off like a small breeze that comes and goes so quickly.

What fucking retard is this? I used her iPod without her permission and now she wants revenge? What fucking retard is this?

Okay, I'm one of those kepoh peeps and I tried this from Shannon's blog:

Try it yourself, and see what you are.

For me, this is as close as 90% of my true personality, when matched with this Daemon.

I know, Daemon sounds like 'demon', but then again, meh, people are running out of new names lol. This was taken from the Golden Compass, coming to the silver screens in December.

I couldn't think of a more direct title so this will do.

Anyways, it's kinda surprising that I came down with an illness, but I usually fall sick only when there's an outbreak of some sort, and you guessed it, this time it was a food poisoning outbreak.

Well, it all started around Sunday night when I had to do my business, then went to bed after a shower (and after my business). Throughout the whole night, I was tossing and turning from the heat build-up near my tummy. I was like thinking "Okay, time to wake up. I can't be sleeping with this pain all night."

Earlier the next morning, I had a bad business, it was the first step showing me that I was getting sick. Okay, I thought I could ignore all that and just went on with a normal lifestyle, but I was dead wrong, pfft.

On Monday night, I had fish porridge. I suspect it was the fish chunks in the porridge, cause my mom and dad ate just the porridge without the fish, but then again, who knows how and where I got the illness from. And so, another night of tossing and turning, but the worse part of it is, this time, I'm feeling extremely hot, it was as if I was having a fever. Yep, I had a fever alright, but it was not as fatal as the food poisoning.

I went to the doctor on yesterday to get myself checked up, hoping I would get myself better ASAP. As I had suspected, it was food poisoning after all. What made this the worst so far was it's contagious and there has been an outbreak of this. Okay, this time, I'm a little worried. I usually wouldn't be so worried when it comes to food poisoning as it is just a minor case, but mine was kinda serious and it made me think that being picky when it comes to eating can be good at times.

A lesson learned, never eat stuff at random, it can, or might kill you.

Well, today I had the most ... unusual and probably most annoying dinner ever.

In a glance, it was almost 5 hours long and I feel the Ah Bengness in my environment started to take a toll on me.

We came at the dinner site at about 7.30 p.m. or so, which was supposedly to start at 7 p.m. As typical as a Malaysian we were, but there were others that came at 8 p.m. or later (so, the duh-ness). As we sat there with my uncle, aunt and cousin, I hardly talk to them (communication gap la brader).

Well, when the dinner did finally start, a few of the attendees started going on stage to sing. MY EARS, MY PRECIOUS EARS! Ah well, I just bare with the thing like I usually do and just had the first menu. Guess what? It took them about 20 minutes for the next one. With all due respect, I know a speech by a YB (Yang Berhormat) is important, but 20 minutes till the next dish? Wow ...

The following dishes were prolonged as well due to the auctions they have on 'blessed' items. Everything started with 8s as the price. My uncle seemed to have bid for a rice bucket that was filled with rice and like suppose to bring a symbolism of that there will always be something to eat and the bucket will always be filled with rice for consumption.

Throughout the whole auction, the people were shouting prices and the voice boomed so loud it even interfered with my thinking. Oh my god, only ah bengs shout at the microphones, I mean, it already increases your voice, do you have to scream at it too?

The dinner ended with all the items successfully auctioned, sadly, some people could not stand the wait and left earlier (wise choice maybe?). I did not have a satisfying meal and made me kinda cranky and this is why I'm ranting here.

Anyways, the point is, sometimes when it comes down to this, I'm kinda embarrassed to call myself a Chinese for a fact that, chinese people are very rude, kid's version of rude defies even the laws of sanction. I seriously am pissed with this, and maybe, just maybe, I would even stop considering myself as one, a chinese.

After the incident that happened yesterday, it made me realised how everyone has their limits.

Maybe it was wrong for what I had started, but it had brought to another compromising talk and settled what needs to be settled.

I hope the things that were discussed would change for the better.

Maybe it was just a small action, maybe it was a small mistake, but it ended up with dire consequences ... Maybe I should not have played along to what had happened last night, maybe, just maybe I thought I took the correct actions ... No.

It is high time everyone knew of all the mistakes in my life (family issue). I do have to warn you, it is long and the outcome of reading this will turn your perceptions about me, but I really could not care. To tell you what happened last night, I have to tell you everything that had brought me to where I am now.

It all started at the age of 1 or 2, I was at the beach with my parents (God knows which beach I was on), playing with the sand beneath my feet just nearby the tides of the sea. Okay, so I am 1 or 2 years old, I have no idea what drowning is and why did the water had come on over to my feet and swept me in with a small tide. I never knew how much neglect there was when I was little, until now. Maybe, this explains why I can't, and won't learn to swim.

The next tragedy happened when I was 7, the time where everyone has to go through some sort of immaturity and we do not think like an adult, still. I was not sure what I did that was considered to be bad and defiant, I was then struck by my dad with a plastic chair in my grandma's house. The foot of the chair stayed on my left feet until I was around 15 years old. I know I did something wrong, but at 7, did I deserved this? The problem is, the scar that was left behind that hurt me most wasn't the physical scar, but the one in my heart. Why on Earth do I still remember this if it doesn't hurt me?

The next was when I was 15. I had been influenced to play games by my friends and go on to cyber cafes to play hooky or just neglecting studies. This was definitely a mistake which started by my own actions and yes, I did not mind taking the punishment seeing I was wrong. I was just lucky enough to think for myself that it was a mistake, but I was not smart enough to think how big of an impact this action will affect my future.

17, the year where most Malaysians have to face the dreaded examination - SPM. Although it was of such importance, I still have a little negligence towards studying. Why? I was too involved in games. Yes, I did study, but it was not enough. My parents again find this as a disappointment, but they themselves do not know how much of pain and disappointment I had felt when I took the certificate and watching my own failure, no one does.

At 18, the gaming lust still hangs on. This was not good as it sparked a brutal incident between me and my dad. I know he did it for the sake of my studies and trying to teach me that studying now is more important. Due to that, he had done something which puts me to my limit. Halfway through the game where it was very very important, he had turned my modem off. That was the last draw and my fist was flying towards him. He retaliated, but was not as much as I did. He was hurt in the eye, thanks to me. I was chased outside of my house and I really wanted to run away and just give up this shit of a life I'm having. No doubt it was my fault, but the outcome from this turned out to be a mutual understanding, but it was such a shame that I had to resort to violence.

From that day onward, I had became more rebellious than ever. This would explain why I was more open to swearing and had devious intentions on people. Maybe, after all these years of bearing this pain and keeping it all to myself had caused my dark side to prevail.

Then it happened yesterday. I used Sabrina's iPod without her permission, then she burst into an angry notion saying "Even if I'm your sister, if you took it without my permission it's still stealing. I will call the police and report as if this was a real crime!". Again, I was not in the best of my moods and I already placed dire hatred on her ever since I was 17. Everyone is always envious about her, asking when she'll be home from Singapore and always overshadowing me for my utter 'failure'. I've always been silent when all my mother's sisters (my aunts) always flattered about how good she is. I just kept it all inside, ignoring every shit and comparison I get from them. Why? Because I am your fucking brother for crying out loud!

Then she went on to say "I have friends in the police department ..." and all that fuck shit that I don't give two shit about as I have already heard her bitching over this shit a couple of times. Stop fucking talk big you cock ass. Just cause people like you doesn't mean you have to cock shit to me bitch.

That totally broke my sanity and I retaliated by "You know what, I understand whatever you have said but I don't care whatever shit you're saying". Maybe what I had said made it worst, maybe it wasn't. But I couldn't stand her being the bitch queen and kept putting me down anymore. And that stupid line triggered her to become all bitch-like. She started to ask me back for the stuff she gave me, and she started saying even if I do stay in the new house it was hers and she could kick me out anytime when my parents won't.

So I did. I return all her shit - the handphone, the cologne and the bag. She continued to bitch on how she knows my college department and would ask them to reject my loans and not making me able to study for it. When I went down to get the fucking phone to give it back to the bitch, my dad blamed my mother (which I have no reason why) that this happened because of her. Then my mom had an arguement with him. Then my dad came down and shouted at me "See, this is all your fault!" and sat downstairs and watched his footie. I went up, just forcefully put the fucking phone on her palm and head into my room.

My mom broke down and started crying after watching the whole incident, and after the fight with my dad. My dad came up when she kept saying "I feel like dying" in hokkien. My dad and my sis went to console her and they made confessions. I may be in my room but I heard everything that they said. I cried listening to them as it was the truth, but I had no chance to say anything cause I didn't want to. They kept saying how much they tried to put up with me, but have they even heard my side of the story? No. They always lived in the world of assumptions, thinking this, thinking that.

Haven't I proven enough that I am not the bad kid in the family? I don't smoke. I don't fucking gamble. I don't fucking drink or do anymore shit that you fucking little minds would perceive me to. I am tired of convincing this. I am tired of trying to prove you guys wrong. Sadly, even if you are wrong, I'm not gonna tell you.

I'm sick of living this fucking life. I wish I could just die, but it ain't that easy. If I only I could get over the fear and pain of the process of dying. If only I was not even born in this world.