I will suffer from a mental breakdown soon.

It sounds over dramatic just by saying it, but it is how I feel, right now.

My dad has been confirmed by my sis that he has only a few months to live and that the cancer is real, from the tone of her SMS the other day, it totally make me feel that the inevitable has come to light.

I had been home during the last weekend, keeping the house in shape by doing minor house chores and making sure the safety of the house and everything in it. I am trying my best to make sure everything goes according to order, and that it is going on like it should be like any other day.

I just hate it when things goes wrong and not according to plan. It just turns my world upside down, inside out. I am not built to face all the sudden change ... I just wish I am strong enough to see a fostered path and decision in what I do.

Dad, I wish for you to recover from this illness, as many cancer patients have succeeded in prolonging their life farther than they were supposedly deduced by the so-called doctors.

Mum, I wish you wold learn to let go and worry less about me, and now I have to be responsible for a lot of things in life, just please, learn to let go ...

Sis, I wish the GP Faizal introduced us to sees a possible light to our dark times, and that dad will be much better.

I cannot bare so much, not right now. I feel so thwarted, my mind can't think straight and the uneasiness I feel inside just makes it harder for me to be at ease. I still need all of you, and I need all of you to pull together. Please ...

Needless to say, click on the links below to find out more.


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Brief introduction on the game

Yup, it's a tag-geroo.

Anyway, here is how it works, not only is this a tag, but a self reflection on what you could expect/been if you had taken the other road down, instead of the road you are in now.

First off, there will be 5 'What If' scenarios, each which will be explained in paragraphs of their own, so you can make it as long (or short) as you would like it to be. All 5 of the 'What If' are somewhat linked.

The first 'What If' would be "What would I be like if I was born a (male/female) instead?"
Second 'What If' is "What would I do if I could go back in time and do something for someone close to me?"
Third 'What If' is "What would you do if you had the chance to change a significant decision which had impacted you on your life and career?"
Fourth 'What If' is "What if I could change something about myself, what would it be and why?"
The fifth 'What If' is a question that is created that continues right off from the fourth, as it is ambiguous enough that we all have a colourful life, that will be given to a choice of your own on how to conclude this 'What If'.

At the end of this, you tag at least 3 people to continue this self reflecting tag-geroo.

With all that said and not quite done, I shall write mine to start it off:

What would it be like if I was born a female instead?

I would probably feel drafty below due to nothing dangling below, and making myself unable to sit kangkang* without having the public looking aghast at my rough preposition. I would probably find guys hot, instead of girls. Don't get me wrong, some guys are gorgeous and hot, but not attracted in that sense. I would probably feel the weight of my chest to be of complete distraction. I would either PMS** more, or less than what I am now (I think I would PMS more ...)

What would I do if I could go back in time and do something for someone close to me?

I would probably spend more time with my grandma, I felt like I had neglected her all too much. I had committed sins which I think could never be forgiven, and I wish I could go back in time and undo what was done. Now that she's gone, I can never make it up to her anymore ...

What would you do if you had the chance to change a significant decision which had impacted you on your life and career?

I would most likely drop off Computer Science when I had the chance and was still at my diploma stage and taken up Literature instead, or Journalism ... or anything which involves a lot of creative writing. Limmericks, Rhymes, Poems, Novels, you name it, I would love to work on it.

What if I could change something about myself, what would it be and why?

I would definitely try to make myself seek a more immense amount of knowledge on olden culture and sink myself into its supernatural antiquity which most if not all had died out in such urban civilizations. In short, I would wish I had plant the seeds of knowledge in witchcraft (or proper terms, wicca).

What would I do if I could go back to a significant time in history that does not involve actions that I have taken in my life and why?

I would most probably return to the time when Wicca starts to fade out, and demonstrate the need to keep this piece of heritage in the future (or should I say, present) times. Okay, it does not have to be Wicca, it could be any martial arts from Eastern civilizations, perhaps the real Kung Fu and etc. We rely too much on technology, that's why they are beginning to die out so fast.


All right, I had done my 'What If's, here are the 3 lucky people I had picked to spread this tag (drum roll pleeeeeeeeez):

Mr. YY
Kaelvin
Benjamin

Have fun you fools =)

* - This is a Malaysian Hokkien term for 'broad' and is usually applied for spaces or gaps between 2 things.
** - Post Menstrual Syndrome, commonly used for being pissed or emo.

Out of boredom, I decided to make more blonde jokes, have fun bemusing yourself:

"Damn, you look like an ass"
"I try very hard with yoga, but I still can't get the 'S' right"


"That's an ass - starts with an 'as' and ends with a 's'"
"I'm sorry, but I think I have only one ass. *Looks at her two bumps* Oh, you're absolutely right, I've got two!"




How does a blonde use sarcasm?
When she really means it




What do you call a blonde's cat fight?
Moulin Rouge




"I'm thirsty"
"And I'm Christy, what's your sign?"




"I am looking for flour, do you have it here?"
"I'm sorry, you should see a florist"




How does a blonde find herself?
GPS






These jokes were not meant to offend blondes, cause I can be a 'blonde' sometime. Just want to share some jokes I found that were amusing me for the couple of days back.

2008.

Pfft.

For a year with the lucky number in it sure is not a lucky year for me.

At the early part of the year, somewhere around March, my grandma passed on. May her soul rest in peace. Not long after, I lost my will to concentrate on my education. Then, my third uncle was under the effects of cancer and is going for regular chemo just to prolong what is left with his lifetime ... Mid-way, I found out a friend I placed pity on turned out to be a con artist and now -

My dad went for a check up the other Friday, and was out with my mom for a long time, they even came home later than I did.

The next day, which was yesterday my dad wanted to talk to me. He told me that the doctors found some sort of cancer cells in his stomach and that he wanted me to do him a favour as to not quarrel with mom too much ... For a person to say something like this, is was very deep ...

God, have you not taken enough from me this year? Hmm? What the fuck are you trying to do with me?

I do admit that there are times I never got along with my dad, but he is after all - my dad.

If you are going to take him away from me, I will be completely lost ... So fuck you too.

Out of boredom, I joined this mid-rate cum high-rate server to pass the time. I don't usually play high rates, but this server provides a challenging feat when it comes to hunting for the needed equipment.

Here is a rough spec check on the server:

Rates(Base, Job, Drops):	50, 50, 50
Max Base Lvl(Pre-Trans, Trans):	99, 99
Max Job Lvl(Pre-Trans, Trans):	50, 70
Custom NPCs:	Yes - Healer/Buffer(Buffing costs you), Warper(Which charges for zeny), Typical Resetter(5k, 5k, 9k), Universal Rental NPC, Platinum Skill NPC(Only up to first classes), Basic Item Mall, Card Remover

WoE, Marriage, Adoption and Divorce Systems are online and kicking.

Now, for the Pros and Cons(according to my evaluation):

PROS

• Requires players to hunt for PVP/GVG/PVE/etc. items besides having a basic item mall(which sells crap, the only thing I see worthy of buying are the elemental arrows)
• Very community driven in the sense of party to take down MVPs or tough monsters, although the community is still small.
• Balanced PVP zone as the max lvl is 99/70

CONS

• DEX affects cooldown, making a 150 DEX Sniper continously spam FA without the need for cast time and cooldown. Affects other classes as well.

The server is still in beta, and most of the cons if not all, hopefully, would be attended to by the admins ASAP, so the community would grow larger.

Again, it is a private server, which runs on donations. So the fate of the server lies in the community hands ...

Site Info: http://lucinoinc.sytes.net/crazero/index.php?act=info
Control Panel: http://lucinoinc.sytes.net/crazero/index.php?act=idx