I had an ultimatum with my dad before. It was not to my liking, but it had to happen. Regretting every single day that things had to unfold in such a way but at the very least, he knew it was his time to give up, give in. Having lost my father had affected me deeper than I would have thought. I know I'm strong enough to brace the coming storm of life's hardship, but I knew nothing of it.

I can probably cope with the changes in life for me now - I'm no longer studying, I've washed my hands off of it and I'm currently working. I'm fairly new to things, I hate the stress but am loving the new experience I get. After all, I love new things. In order for anyone to discover something new, going to places they won't usually go and making mistake from it, one has to be prone to danger and the challenges up ahead. I'm willing to take the heat, given the chance that is.

My mum has always been overprotective. There has to be a time where parents have to let go of their children, eventually. Sad to say, I won't walk down that same path like most children would. I'm an outcast. I'll be shun for the things I do, but it would have been worth it if it were to prove so many silenced statements.

I can't, no I won't take this any more. I will make a firm stand that I will relinquish myself of the burden I have succumb to bear that wasn't mean to happen in the first place. I will not tolerate your total hindrance of acceptance. I will not tolerate your selfish indulgence on lashing your emotional feud on me. I will not tolerate any more constraint that you impose unto me. I will not tolerate you any further.

From 2011 onwards, I will no longer see you. Call me selfish, call me wicked, call me cruel for all that you want but I will no longer consider you as my emotional and filial obligation.

I will move on in life, while you stay stagnant here. I won't let you hold me back because you think it feels right for you. Things happen for a reason, things change and if you can't accept that then you should very well just shrivel up and die on your own.

Dad died, we all know that. We can't turn back time and bring him back, God knows how much both sis and I would want to. He holds us together when things are beginning to fall apart, but he's no longer here, accept the fact. It's not your job to keep this family together, even if it is, you're not doing a good job so stop it before you hurt us more than you already did.

I'm making my stand, since you will never listen to us. Yes. I'm walking out on you because you chose to be selfish about things. I couldn't be fucked to care about it any more, you're about to make me go insane. It's time to say goodbye.

Dreaming big, aiming high would take your ambitions to greater heights. Though as you go higher and your dreams are fabulous, the price you pay when you fall would also be equivalently as big.

Sometimes I wondered why I dream and want for more. It's in our nature to want more and achieve greater heights in life. There's just no point in aiming so high only to see yourself fall.

In any case, perhaps it's time for me to let go of it all. All the endless struggles and battles I face were all meant for nothing now.

This blog post is especially dedicated to my life in CabalSEA. For all the happiness I've faced, now comes all the hardship that mounts throughout the years. My life in CabalSEA started off with my real life friends and ending without them.

To cut things short, there are so many reasons as to why this has become the inevitable end.

Playing games like this, I always emphasize on both achieving greatness and achieving friends. A little far-fetched but hey, some people were able to achieve this. I thought I could have a shot at this, guess not.

I've gone through so many guilds and sadly, none of which brought me closer to achieving greatness, nor friendship. I'm not saying I didn't make friends along the way, to me, having 'friends' is more personal than what most people would consider it to be. I take each and every one of these relationships to the heart. One false move, and it'll be my emotions that will be tangled upon.

LasNoches, though with so many powerful and famous players in it, I never found happiness. I was blinded by my constant denial of giving things the benefit of the doubt, but it was nothing more than an empty mirage to convince myself that things could get better.

What's the point of being in a guild when everyone in it is just going to do things on their own? Where's the love?

Though friendship was formed long along by some, newcomers do deserve the chance to be part of if not at all in the circles of friendship. I find that hardly happening in LasNoches, sadly.

Guild motto: We Love, United and Strong LasNoches! Pfft. Well, strong is right but I highly doubt it's anywhere near love and united. It's just plain deceiving. It's a guild, but there's so many cliques that it makes communication scarce, or even rare. The strong stays amongst their own kin. The weak just comes abound when there are scraps of 'leftovers' for us to indulge on. We're not beggars, we're not some street junky and hell, we're not going to tolerate your social deficit sense of discrimination.

All that work for nothing. All the things I've done, were all meant for nothing. This is the very last time I would be saying this, I'm leaving LasNoches for good. I will no longer associate myself with the likes of them. From therein and from when the server comes back on, I'm no longer a member of CabalSEA's LasNoches.

I seriously, cannot take it anymore.

The passed few rants for my blog has been all about work, this one no less. Nothing in my life has caused so much blood boil till today.

Like I mentioned, it was bad enough I had to do web maintenance and editing of websites but now I have to do it on a line whereby I can't even load images properly. What The Fuck?

CMS is soooooo graphical to the point loading it takes ages. When I tried saving from time to time, my login expires. Seriously, this is so fucked up. The reason I had to use the crawling ISP, iZZi is because our interns are using the only cables available for TMNet. I can't believe I have to resort to using my OWN LAN cable just to share the line.

I'm not asking much, in fact now I even only consider wanting to use TM rather than iZZi for job performance, and nothing else. GAH! Why do I have to put up with this! Screw the economy, screw the people who started making 'needs' to 'wants', screw it all!

I'm already squeezing in what's left of my petty time to put together this post. I seriously on the edge of madness right now. Help?

Maybe I'm just being sensitive or maybe I've done too much to go by and let it be taken for granted.

I'm no Superman nor am I Bill Clinton but a simple "Gee Kev, thanks for doing so-and-so for me, I truly appreciate it" would definitely suffice. Not that I'm hoping for something in return but hey, it won't kill for people to show some gratitude from time to time, no?

I'm super frustrated at the fact that sometimes I tend to do stuff and I'm not given enough attention for something I worked to make it the best it can be. I placed my heart and soul to do stuff for people and what did I get? Nothing.

I feel like just letting it go and forget about putting my effort into doing something and just do a half-passed six job just because you are not going to appreciate it anyway.

Looks like I've gotten more than what I've bargained for.

It is pretty true what they say about working. You either have nothing to do or you'd be stressed out at how much shit you have to put up with.

Maybe it is my personality. I hate being stuck or staying stagnant and when I hit a block, I would be upset over the fact that I can't keep moving. I feel exactly like that now. I'm presented with too much obstacles that I clearly can't overcome.

Everyone has a choice to make. Either choose to overcome the obstacle or to turn away from it. I falter to the latter, sooner or later.

I thought I'd be staying true to my job as a copywriter, but no less I find myself wandering in a web of multitasking, or rather, over-tasking.

It's been almost 2 months I've started working with my company. With all due respect, I have nothing against the pressure as the company is very easy going and linear in other aspects of the work ethics other than job scope. I'm being hired as a copywriter but that is far from my own practise.

In a percentage of duties I do in work, I would say copywriting is represented by 20% of the entire fraction. Web content management takes a whooping 60% of my work time and the other 20% goes to clientèle. I just don't think that's how I'm suppose to be conducted as. Seriously, if I'm hired to do a job that is not within my job scope, I feel the zest of outdoing myself in that specific scope beginning to subside and become a drone of economy. Heck, I'm even losing my writer's touch when writing this blog entry because all I could think of is how to manage sites, keeping the page presentable and such.

ARGH!

I seriously don't think I'd be staying long in this company. I'm suppose to work as a copywriter, damn it!